The Modern Christmas Story

Once upon a time, a long time ago there was an Ashford gypsy called Mary. She was sitting on the sofa watching TV when she got a text. Her mobile phone vibrated, so she flipped it open to see the message.

“Hi, I’m Gabriel, and I’ve got some great news! You’re having a baby!” the text said.

“ But, But” Mary Replied to the unknown number.

“and it’s God’s baby. Look after him now, because I’ve got to go. Eastenders is   starting. Cya!”

Mary went on the internet to email Joseph. She emailed him saying that she was going to have a baby.

When Joseph returned, they got in their white limo and drove to Manchester.  Eventually, Joseph drove, because Mary’s feet were hurting from pushing the pedals.
When they arrived, They looked around for a B&B, but everywhere was full. They didn’t want to sleep in the limo, because there were too many seats and they didn’t want to get blood in their expensive car.  They travelled so far looking for a B&B, Mary ended up giving birth in a coach park, just outside Bluewater.

Once Jesus had been born, they were rudely interrupted by the three wise men, Bob Frank and Fred. They told them that their baby was very sweet, but did they know where the nearest B&B was, because their SAT nav has broken, and they were on their way to see the Baby Jesus, but they didn’t know the way.

“You fools! This is my baby, Jesus” said Mary.  The three wise men looked shocked.
“We are very sorry, Jesus. Please take our very expensive phones as a token of our sorrow.”

And, once everyone had got off the M15 to see the baby Jesus, they all celebrated by watching the Christmas special of Doctor Who.

by Paige Davies-Helme age 13