The Modern Christmas Story

“JOSEPH FOR HEAVENS SAKE GET ME OFF OF THE M20!”

Mary was having a panic as her baby was coming and she was stuck in a traffic jam on the M20. Her husband Joseph used his Sat nav to try and work out where the nearest junction was and if it had somewhere suitable for her to give birth. It turns out that the nearest junction was 23 miles away as they had just passed junction 12. Mary went to open the door and run to it but Joseph just switched on the child lock, much to Mary’s fustration. Joseph tried to skip the traffic by going into the hard shoulder but he lost control of the car and ended up driving past the hard shoulder and through some trees. Mary started screaming even more. The smart car kept on going and they crashed into a farm. Joseph started banging his head against the steering wheel in fustration. He was so busy letting out his anger that he didn’t notice Mary climbing into the front and leave the car, running towards the farm. By the time he had broken his designer sunglasses just because he could Mary had already given birth to a baby boy. Unfortunately as he got out off his precious car, it burst into flames.

“ Mary what did you think you were doing  running off like that you could of…” Joseph cut off as he saw what Mary was holding in her arms.

“YOU COULD HAVE HELD ON SO I COULD SEE THE BABY WHEN IT WAS FIRST BORN!”

Mary decided to ignore this comment and carried on talking to her little baby boy.

 Now while all this was going on in a derelict farm, three police men had been in formed about a mental driver that had dissapeared off of the M20. They could see a fire going on in the distance so they set off towards it. It wasn’t long before they could see they source of the fire and the voices of two people led them towards the family. Joseph turned around and saw the three officers walking towards him.

“Oh no! I hope they wont arrest me for stupid driving,”he said with a sad look on his face. The baby gurgled with delight as Mary played songs on her iPod.

“Im sure I just heard a new born baby gurgle,”said Officer Frank

“Honestly mate, who would give birth in a farmhouse?Frank you really have no sense,”said an intelligent Officer Mike.

“I don’t care if I have no common sense but I swear that I sense that they will steal my gold braces, my trousers would fall down without them,” replied a dopey Frank!
“Couldn’t you just buy some more from that shop called Myrh!”Claimed Officer Greg that travels around a lot.

They entered the farmhouse and much to their surprise saw Mary, Joseph and the baby. Rather than offering to help them out by calling the AA they simply arrested Joseph for bad driving without asking if there was a reason for it and took him away in the police car. Mary was left stranded in the farmhouse with her baby boy….

by Hannah Rooke