March 2008

ICT Competition

There was a young man named Jim

Who had a brain the size of a pin

The program, "Hulk Hogan"

Was really a Trojan.

That poor dim boy named Jim.

There was a programmer called Steve

Whose company asked him to leave

One day he came back

And built the iMac

To show what he had up his sleeve

One day a computer was muted

A fault when the system rebooted

He vibrated his speaker

The sound just got bleaker

The user just pointed and hooted

One day my computer was frozen

It turned out all black and all broken

And it started to cry

As its monitor died

The hard drive was actually smoking!

I once had a system design

Which was written out as a line

The inputs were great

Achieving base 8

And the system had tested divine

When Timmy began to download

His computer had messed up and slowed

He'd got an infection

But had no protection

It made his computer explode

There once was a man who used Excel

To see if his business would do well

He then used goal seek

His future looked bleak

Thanks to Excel, his business did sell

In an ICT lesson one day

The children went hip-hip-horary

The teacher went mad

And said something bad

So the children went running away

When buying a MacBook for Dan

Bill Gates hit my head with a pan

He said, "Don't buy Apple"

Whilst Steve Jobs did a cackle

in the end he upgraded his RAM

The screen I was watching went black

The power pulled out of the back

I stretched my arm round

Put in the cable I found

And continued my e-mail to Jack

There was a computer so old

Its screen was all covered with mould

The hard disk was broke

It suffered a stroke

It never did what it was told

It's Tuesday and we're in ICT

What a jolly old place to be

We've opened Excel

And done very well

And I'm going to get my grade B

There once was a young woman called Jane

She wanted a holiday in Spain

She used her computer

To book one to suit her

And then she never came home again!

A man who once studied ICT

Invented a game on his PC

He jumped up with joy

I've invented a toy

And I'll call it the Nintendo Wii

There once was a thing known as a byte

Which stored numbers with all of its might

It had a certain mode

Which looked just like a code

Displaying numbers from left to right

There once was a boy called Jack

Who was fascinated about Macs

He loved iTunes and QuickTime

So he bought one; top of the line

But he couldn't get it out of the pack

Students from Rainham Mark had a Race

To see who'd finish their database

A girl had a query

That made her feel weary

It took her time, but the work was ace

There was a guy who liked his PC

He liked them so very much he had three

But all of them crashed

Their time was now passed

He was now definitely angry

There was a computer chip

Whose name happened to be Pip

She cried and she cried

Because her hard drive died

So now all she did was kip

I was on my computer one day

When I suddenly heard it say,

"You've used me too much

with your weird human touch",

then it got up and ran away.

I had a laptop which was neat

And I thought that it was rather sweet

It then got a virus

Which really did tire us

And ruined my new birthday treat

There once was a computer worm

Who stuck to the network firm

Slowed the computer right down

Which caused many people to frown

Eeew, that worm made me squirm

A man had frost on his screen

The user began to scream

He called up a man

Who had a great plan

to just give the screen a good clean

There was a voice called Microsoft Sam

Who really detested email spam

He had monotone talking

Now works for Stephen Hawking

And helps him with oral exams